Never-Nude
(Death Cab for Cutie – Transatlanticism)

The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row; it seems farther than ever before. I need you so much closer...

So the pictures below are from my grandma’s 80th birthday party. We hopped in the shake-mobile on a Friday morning and headed 8 hrs south to the heart of America just to celebrate it with her. Highlights from the trip were...

- Spending 2 hrs finding my passport that was cleverly hidden in my bag by Sidekick Sonia.
- Watching my dad roll down the window every 30 minutes to have a cigarette. I’m convinced that chain smoking is a term that was coined for him in particular.
- Getting tired 6 hrs into the drive and letting my dad drive my car. For a brief moment I forgot that he barely knew how to drive his automatic oldsmobile, let alone my standard Mazda. 45 minutes of yelling “2ND GEAR COMES AFTER 1ST GEAR!!” and “YOU HAVE TO PRESS THE CLUTCH DOWN WHEN SHIFTING!!” and watching him stall at every toll booth, my patience wore thin and I kindly asked him to pull over to let me drive the last hour.
- Arriving at my uncle’s 2.5 million dollar home and drooling like a little kid in a candy store when I realize he has a tennis court in his 4 acre backyard and a swimming pool.
- Watching the first full season of Arrested Development on my laptop (thanks for the DVD Garry!). Is there really such a psychological affliction as “Never-Nude”? Steve Holt!
-Good times and good food with the family!

...

On the trip I played hide and seek with a few of my little cousins. Kids are fun but a little stupid. I would hide in some really obvious places and they would never find me. On one particular occasion I had hid underneath my air mattress. If you’re playing with adults, this isn’t the best place to hide since the air mattress doesn’t look level and it’s slightly off the ground when you’re underneath it. With kids however, they don’t notice those finer details so they run on by and totally bypass the air mattress.

About 2 minutes after I hid underneath the air mattress I hear my mom say, “I’m getting really tired, I think I’m going to take nap.” And she lays right down on top of the air mattress. Then I she yells to my sisters, “Hey girls, you guys look tired, you should come take a nap with me on this air mattress!” So 3 of them pile onto the mattress and I hear them laughing hysterically. I of course am now stuck underneath this mattress and 4 women. I quietly yelp, “I’m going to hunt each of you down and hurt you after I get out of here.” More laughter ensues.

Then I hear my mom yell out, “Hey kids, we’re all taking a group nap, you should come join us! Come on, JUMP ON!!” So one by one, they all literally JUMP ON. So now there’s an air mattress, 4 women and 4 kids lying on top of me and I’m starting to get a little suffocated soI turn my head sideways so I can get some air.

After enduring this for about 5 minutes, they finally get off the bed and I of course chase each and every one of my sisters and mother down to hurt them. They all got bruises on their leg!

The kids however, still couldn’t find me.
...

See everyone at the Steve Nash Charity game tonight!

Are you sure you don't want anymore roasted pig?

When shoppers attack.

Buy one bible, get one free.

Kids are cute (part 2).

Kids are cute.

Happy 80th G-Ma!!

Penguins Rock
(Filter – Take My Picture)

I like watching penguins slide on ice with their stomachs. I could watch that all day. This is probably the idea behind the “slip and slide”. Does anyone still have one of these? It’s this yellow plastic mat that attaches to your water hose and it sprays water all along the mat and you’re suppose to run and then dive onto it. If I could get my hands on one of these, I’d be in heaven.

Beat Me With a Stick
(No Doubt – Sunday Morning)

(staring into the camera)
I've made a huge mistake.

2 things I’ve dropped in the toilet in the last month other than feces and urine…

1) My cell phone.
2) My contacts case.

I had to wash, Lysol, wipe down with alcohol and quarantine them for a few days afterwards.

I’ve been somewhat of a klutz and absentminded lately. Yesterday I got to work and realized I had left my laptop at home. On my way home to get my laptop, I bit my lip munching on my BLT bagel. Bleeding profusely while driving, I nearly hit a bird that was pecking away at something on the road. While swerving to avoid the bird, I smeared mayo all over my cheek.

I don’t know what it is, maybe it’s because Mars is getting closer to Earth.
...

Shaky is contemplating speaking in third person from now on because speaking in first person is a bit self-absorbed. Shaky hates people who are self-absorbed. Nicknames are also self-absorbed, but if Shaky reveals his real name, Shaky might have to beat off all the women who are stalking him, with a stick.
...

Who am I kidding? I am self-absorbed. If I weren’t, I would’ve forgone putting gel into my faux Mohawk; gave my car away to a stranger this morning; walked to work without complaining about how my knees ached; walked into the HR manager’s office and told them I want to work for them for free from now on; and then proceeded to be everyone in the office’s bitch by helping them with their work. Actually, that last part is true, I’m already everyone bitch. God, I gotta grow a spine and learn how to say no when people ask me for help.

NO!
...

I’m rambling today.

Wedding Crashers
(The Acorn - Darcy)

Here's the latest movie I'm appearing in...see if you can catch me in the trailer!

Wedding Crasher

lol.

Future Insomniac
(The Acorn – Do You Not Yearn At All?)

If you’re looking to paint the town red and piss the rest of the night away walking aimlessly, you’ve come to the right place.

I had a great time in Montreal over the weekend at an intimate little Indie rock concert. Live music always kicks ass. I believe the venue was Casa Del Popolo and the following bands played : Carrigan, As the Poets Affirm, The Acorn and Kiss Me Deadly (which I missed).

Carrigan was a two person band. Very unorganized but they had talent. Their drummer kicked ass and I couldn’t help but wonder how coordinated you’d have to be to play the drums. I have trouble riding a bike, let alone using all four of my limbs to make music.

As the Poets Affirm was a 7 person band with the average age of the band members being in their late teens. Extremely talented and very well organized. I just couldn’t get into their music. I found the music composition to be a little too complex and they lacked a lead singer with stage presence.

I was most impressed with The Acorn. They’ve got excellent stage presence and their music was simple and easy to listen to. I could’ve sat there all night listening to them, enjoying the leftover steak stuck between my teeth and a sipping on a nice cold beer. If you’re interested in listening to some of their songs, check out Kelp Records and go to the download section. "Darcy" is a nice catchy tune and "Do You Not Yearn At All?" is a great instrumental. The space guitar sounds amazing in this song!
...

I don’t have any problems falling asleep at night. I sleep well. All my friends will tell you that. No matter how poor the circumstance and no matter how tormenting the day has been, I can always fall asleep. I think the reason most people can’t sleep is because their mind races at night. They replay the events of the day; their worries and other stresses in their lives. I don’t bother with the thinking. I put the drudgery in my life aside and I find a place to store them until I can deal with them later. However, my problem is, I only deal with a small percentage of the things I store away. The rest just sit there unaccounted for. I think somewhere down the road, in the aftermath of all that’s happened in my life, I will probably find myself with chronic insomnia – finally having to deal with things I so easily avoided in the past and lamenting about how it was so great to be young and carefree. It will be irony at its best.

Musical Instruments
(Keane - Bedshaped)

Hello, we’re back and we’re taking calls.

So I woke up this morning and realized I had forgotten about my oil change appointment with my car dealership. I quickly called them to cancel and rebook. Then after I had showered, shaved, brushed my teeth and was ready to put on my clothes for work. I realized I was supposed to take all my dress pants to the dry cleaners two days ago. After scrounging around and realizing that my pants were either too dirty or too wrinkled, I decided to dig deeper into my closet. I found an old pair of dress pants I wore for my high school prom. I’ve lost about 20 lbs since my vacation (stomach flu) so I was able to fit into these pants without too much trouble. I don’t know why I’m such a pack rat but I really should’ve thrown these pants out a long time ago.

So I’m wearing a size 28 or 29 pair of olive green dress pants at work today. Thankfully I sit at a desk most of the day and not too many people can see my pants to comment on them. I suppose if I really wanted to I could’ve worn the same pants I wore yesterday or wore a wrinkled pair of pants and no one would’ve commented either. I don’t really know what the point of this story was. Just know that I’m sitting here looking very uncool in olive green dress pants.
...

Anyone ever heard of a rusty trombone?...gross...a Vancouver girl taught me what that was...I mean, she told me what that was...gross...
Vi...you’re the dirtiest girl I know!
...

Speaking of musical instruments...I should have my guitar back in a few weeks so time to start taking lessons again!

Men are from Mars
Coldplay – Speed of Sound

The sign that I couldn't read,
or a light that I couldn't see.
Some things you have to believe,
but others are puzzles, puzzling me.
...

Apparently Mars is going to be as close to Earth as it’s been in over 5000 years. Over the next month we’re suppose to see Mars get progressively bigger in the night sky. August 27th it will hit its peak and we should be able to see Mars at the same size as the moon with just a 75x magnification.

Guess where I’ll be on August 27th? Three hours north in the wilderness...how fucken perfect is that? No city lights to blind us. This is a sure sign that the annual Killbear camp trip is going to be a blast again. Now I just have to start planning it.

Mark your calendars – August 27th 12:30 am.
...

Anyone free this weekend to go and hang out in Montreal?

This summer is flying by fast with all these weekend getaways. I can’t believe we’re almost into August already.

Manitoulin 2005

This picture reminds me of the yellow video. Too bad I couldn't catch any of the stars that night.

The only way to keep cool during a heat wave is to wear ear muffs and imagine that it's freezing outside.

You Ass Part II
(Postal Service - Clark Gable)

...I want life in every word, to the extent that it's absurd...

...

Upon further deliberation in my car ride home from rollerhockey...

It's not an oxymoron. In fact it makes perfect sense. When you feel like ass, that's when you're most like to be close to all the shit (see previous blog). When you're in bad spirits or when you're not feeling well, that's when you notice how happy everyone is and how there are sooo many cool parties happening around you. It's not an oxymoron, it's an irony!! It's Murphy's Law!!
...

Two random but blunt things...

1) People who know me, know that I'm not the most optimistic person in the world. In fact, I have been called pensive...and even...pessimistic...gasp. It's a role I'm comfortable with. It's a role I do well. The minute I'm the optimistic one, there's something wrong. I've been the optimistic one; it doesn't work that way. Things go wrong, people get hurt, old ladies slip on ice. I neither have the strength or the inclination. I'm content just being realistic.

2) I wish nothing but happiness for you. Why? -- Because you thrive on drama. You live for tragedies. Self-loathing is addictive I once said. You're actually happiest when you're sitting there thinking about how the fates are always against you. Well you know what, you're going to wake up happy one day!

(now before anyone jumps on this...it's not about you...stop being assumptuous...it never has been about you...it's always been about me...me, damn it.)

Here's what I don't get...

People are always talking about the shit...."This stuff is the shit."..."That song is the shit."..."Your mom is the shit."...which is suppose to be a good thing.

Then I have friends that compare things to ass. "God, I feel like ass today. I don't think I'm going to go out with you guys tonight."..."Man, that tasted like ass."..."You're an ass." So basically ass is a bad thing.

But if you're feeling like ass, you're pretty close to where all the shit is. So doesn't that make you an oxymoron?

nimbostratus
(Maxwell - This Woman's Work)

Sometimes I catch myself staring off in the corner of a room and all I can think about is how horrible of a person I am. How many people have I hurt in my lifetime? I’ve lost count. Then I start thinking about how many people have hurt me; people who are as equally horrible as I am. And I imagine that each one of these people walks around with a black cloud on their heads. If you can imagine walking down the stairs of a subway station during rush hour and seeing the crowds gather on the platform just before the subway arrives; and all you can see are black clouds everywhere -- that’s what the world sometimes looks like to me.

What makes it all worthwhile is, every now and then you’ll see the sun poke out of those clouds. Someone that stands above the rest of us misfits. Someone as pure and as innocent as daisies in a meadow on a warm spring day. Someone that gives me a little hope that, I might someday turn it all around and instead of hurting people, make people smile. In a way, I guess what the cloud really represents is guilt. I need to somehow come to terms with the guilt I’ve got and try and avoid gathering more. In the end, we’re all accountable to ourselves, if not a greater principle. When I’ve breathed my last breath, I want to be sure that there’s a light above my head to go towards.